Just so we're all on the same page, and probably more for my benefit, I shall go over the events of the past few weeks just so that everyone knows...

I have two weeks ago today I finished with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, because he was becoming obsessed to the point of stalking. He was always possessive of me, and I always felt sort of controlled by him in a way, but recently it got ridiculous. I found myself lying to him more and more about where I was going and who I was going out with because he had this constant paranoia that I was cheating on him. I found out that he had been going through my emails and logging into my myspace and stupid stuff like that. Once I actually caught him going through my bin!

Anyway at the begining of February, well actually new years eve was the first time we met, I met this guy who we will call Rob. Rob lives miles away from me and is a friend of a friend, he is also really cute and good fun. To cut a long story short we have hooked up twice, each time on drunken nights out, each time with limited if any communication after. After the second time I finished with my crazy stalker ex because I had finally become the cheating harlot he had always imagined I was.

Since I've been split up from stalker boy its been like an incredible weight has lifted off my shoulders. I do miss him sometimes, we used to speak on the phone like 6 times a day and weird not having that contact with anyone anymore...But now I do actually feel free, I can relax in other peoples company, talk to people and not worry that stalker boy is going to freak out and have a go at me cos I made an unapproved friend. I no longer have to lie about where I am or what I am doing its all so liberating!!

However, the last 2 weeks have become a bit of a drunken blur and I have made some very bad choices that will no doubt come back to bite me in the arse. I hooked up with someone, who we will call 'the idiot c', who is an emotional train wreck and whenever we are together we end up hooking up or arguing. So last Saturday I had a party in my flat, which the idiot C came to, so we ended up in bed together. BUT, (and ths is the SECOND time this has happened) when we actually got to go to the actual physical sex he loses his hard on and says "it doesnt feel right"!!! What does he want?? Flowers and a ring??? Candles and rose petals?? Jesus Christ!!So I lose my temper, which was not good but I was totally tanked up, and threw him out>:( This is awkward because we've got to see each other quite a bit cos of our mutual friends birthdays over the next few weeks. I just have to pretend that I'm not bothered that this really cute guy can't manage to seal the deal with me and is always hung up on someone else....grrr:|

So back to Rob... I think about him all the time, well when I'm not obsessing over whats wrong with the idiot C (which isnt actually that often). He's soo cute and so much fun, but I know that nothing will ever come of it apart from casual sex every few weeks when he is in town. Which at the moment seems like a pretty good deal having come from a ridiculously claustrophobic relationship. The problem is I don't know if he actually likes me or not. If I text him he will text me back usually within a couple of hours, which is actually good because he is known to his friends as a person who never texts. Also I don't want to text him too much so he thinks that i'm bothered or that i'm a mad stalker woman.But he never texts me, so does that mean that he never thinks about me? I know that I have pulled people in the past, and never given them a second thought, so is that how he feels about me then? Obviously I cant ask him how he feels cos we've only met each other like 4 times none of which in a one to one date setting so i'd look like a mad stalker woman if I asked him. I'm soo looking forward to seeing him again though I've been going through all the scenarios in my head (like a mad stalker woman)...

These sort of casual things are soo difficult. It all looks so easy on SATC, but its all a lie. Its just one horrible minefield after another.