OK so its the big meal tomorrow, followed by drinkies and I've had the awful realisation that it can only end badly.  I' m going to be sitting around a table eating with 3 people that I have almost had sex with in the last 2 months, then we will be going for drinks with 1 person I nearly slept with and another who I did sleep with but can't get rid of. How is this going to have any other outcome than a series of hideously cringeworthy moments?!

I suddenly had the thought that what if everything does go well and Rob and me hook up again and then its awful. Can there be anything worse than fantasising about sleeping with somebody for 2 months only for it to turn out to be completely crap? Or what if its all going well, I sleep with him, then on Saturday when we have the actual party, he doesn't want to know! Jesus that would be a real kick  in the teeth, which I doubt even my sexual self esteem would find it hard to recover from. Or if it goes well should I make him wait til Saturday so he doesn't realise I'm a total ho (assuming that he doesn't already know this after having dinner and drinks with my latest drunken fumbles). Bugger.

Actually been thinking about K today. Don't want this to turn into another worrying obsession I can barely keep it together about Rob. Not that I can tell anyone how I feel about either of them really, everyone has to be so blase about casual sex. You're not actually supposed to look forward to it or want to do it again as this behaviour is stalkerish. Like poor G. I slept with him a couple of weeks ago and he has been hounding me ever since. Total turn off, its weird how the more a guy ignores you the sexier they become...

I suppose if Rob is being cold I could try K, and G is going to be there so if I get desperate I suppose I have options, but I just want to get with Rob. Then whatever happens after that I do not care. I have had enough of nearly sleeping with him, if it doesnt happen this weekend then I will just have to dust it off. It better happen though. I've pulled out all the stops on the underwear and outfit stakes. I need a plan...

OK after careful consideration the plan is: Don't get too drunk.
Can't get any bloody coke til Friday so thats a total pain in the arse, come to think of it I dont think I've ever been drug free around Rob. This is possibly not a good sign. Jesus, what if I only think he's great because I was high?  Shit. Also if I think I might want to try it on with K again later, can't be too obviously trying it with Rob. This will definately make me look bad. Also, Rob is going to be staying at K's flat so if I go back with him he will definately know and vice versa. I think this is actually quite mess. Damage limitation might be the key here. I just need to take a few deep breaths, not over think the situation and make sure I have a large vodka in my hand at all times. The "I'm single, I'm a free spirit" attititude might carry me through any awkward bits and if I can't pull it off in my super cute mini dress on Thursday, then I have my show stopping hot pants on Saturday and if that doesnt work then I'm out of fucking ideas.