Its been a fairly average week all things considered, Thursday and Friday were good but apart from that it passed by pretty uneventfully. I think things are getting out of hand with K though. I'm starting to feel quite attatched...

He's gone away for 2 weeks and he said he would miss me. The thing is I will miss him too, and I really don't want or need that. When I go out I don't want to pull anyone because I want to go back with him at the end of the night. Not just because of the sex, which is getting better everytime, but because I have a laugh with him. Probably a good thing he's going away for a while, gives me a chance to chat up some other lads I suppose. If he pulls someone while he's away I think that would annoy me; so shall get off with someone just in case? Aargh god its all so stupid, wish I was more like a man and could be emotionally detatched. Well he's only around for 3 more months so I don't suppose it can go that wrong...

Friday night went clubbing and took a couple of E's which is probably contributing to why I feel really down today. Did have an awesome time though, I think more people should do ecstasy there is nothing like the feeling of being so happy and content. The day after is a bit of a bastard though. Still have to take the rough with the smooth I suppose. Have decided I want to try some ketamine. K is always going on about it, which I suppose is the main reason that I want to try it. I know J has done it before as well. Where does one get some from though? I think its probably a kind of house party drug more than anything. K wants us to try some acid, not sure if I'm up for that. Don't want to be having flashbacks in 20 years time of the time I thought I was milk bottle or something equally stupid.

I really regret wasting over 2 years of my life with my ex. I am only just starting to have fun and enjoy my life and I could have been doing it so much earlier, I honestly feel like I have been cheated out of an important time in my life. I made so many bad and stupid decisions because of him. Next time my friends don't like my boyfriend I will not turn a blind, lust crazed, infatuated eye, and instead will pay attention to the alarm bells ringing in my head....probably.

I feel so old sometimes. I feel like life has passed me by. My old friends either have careers or babies so I have nothing in common with them, not that I have managed to keep in contact with them. I really wish I was though. I feel really lonely when people look forward to going home, because I don't. I have nothing anywhere.

Still, wallowing in self pity is not going to help me!